Oh, the SCANDAL!: How Tabloid Journalism Has Made Us Terrible People

I feel bad for celebrities. I absolutely hate most of them, but I pity all of them immensely. It seems that our society in particular has grown ob-SSSSSSSSSSESSED with hovering over their lives like black clouds or vultures or losers, and has found a ready outlet for said obsession: tabloid magazines.

God, tabloids are probably the worst piece of anything created by human life. I’ll be frank in admitting that I use “People” or “OK Magazine” as a companion for when I use the restroom. It’s therapeutic to read about lives way farther off the tracks than your own, however sick that may sound. But we all love it, that favorable comparison between you and that washed-up junkie who was really big in the eighties. That’s why these magazines exist, after all.



But it’s still inexcusable, their existence. I DO feel pretty terrible leafing greedily through the pages to read about Kristen Stewart’s infidelity, her broken engagement to Robert Pattinson, the marriage she helped destroy. It’s really unforgivable, the pleasure we take from these stories–and if humans stay true to form, this pleasure is probably everlasting.

So embrace yourself, World–we’re all a bunch of assholes, and the latest “National Enquirer” has already hit the shelves!


I’m A-Gonna MISS Ya, Print!

Seriously, though, it’ll be a sombre day when the newspaper leaves its last press. I’m not even much of a reader, and I recognize the surreal, well, scariness of this loss. Granted, we’re not actually losing journalistic media. We’re moving along stronger than ever on the digital newsstand. But still–to part with something that long, long predates you, yet is still a familiar (dare I say, iconic) feature in your life…it’s very strange.

It’s a whole different feeling to hold a book, newspaper, magazine, whatever else, than to scroll through articles on Comcast or “WP Opinions”–far more satisfying, in my opinion. Yes, you’re getting the same content–maybe even better, due to the swiftness with which online publications are updated. But what beats the crunch of a paper freshly opened, or a stack of Seventeen magazines collecting dust and memories in your dresser? It feels substantial in a way that online publications just can’t. It’s one of the few (if not the only) trumps that print has over online journalism, but God help me, if it isn’t a big one.

Seriously, it’s gonna be a loooooong funeral march for Our Lady Print, once she kicks it. Just READ this heart-felt farewell given by a fellow printophile:

I’m glad I’m not the only one mourning this future loss–and it really is a loss. The content isn’t as fresh, the format’s less appealing, and GOODNESS, it’s a bitch to navigate a newspaper, but you still can’t beat it. Totally irrational and perhaps counterproductive, my love for the printed press runs pretty deep.